


Nudes

by RedRosella



Category: Video Blogging RPF, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: A little bit of angst, A lot of dick jokes, Exile Markiplier, Gen, Humor, and too many synonyms for penis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 22:54:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14628744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedRosella/pseuds/RedRosella
Summary: A code black was called at Ego HQ.





	Nudes

A code black was called at Ego HQ.

Immediately the entire building was set on edge, everyone flocking to the largest meeting room in the building. A code black only meant one thing: all hell had broken loose. The only instructions were for every single ego no matter if they usually came to meetings or not to immediately drop whatever they were doing and get to the meeting room immediately for what could only be assumed to be the apocalypse.

Dark had just come on the loudspeaker, curtly calling a code black without any context and shaking Ego HQ to it’s core. In an instant there was a sudden shock of egos all running through the building, converging in on the same place. It was almost magical the way all of them put aside everything they were doing to all come together for one singular thing, no matter what. Even egos who would never be caught in the same room as each other put their differences aside figure out what the hell was happening.

King had stopped in the middle of feeding his squirrels. The Host ended his radio show without even a goodbye. The Googles stopped all non-vital processes, the code black overriding any other objectives they had besides answering questions. Dr. Iplier stopped in the middle of a checkup with one of his patients. Wilford even stopped in the middle of his show, something which had never happened in the history of his time on the air. A Warfstache interview had never ended without a death until now.

All the egos got to the meeting room at the same time, jamming up the entrance in an attempt to all get in and find out what had gone straight to shit. They were all tumbling over each other and scrambling to their seats for a minute, but all the chaos seemed to stop as Dark stepped into the room at the end of the group, standing at the head of the meeting table.

It was only for a brief second though, as suddenly a thousand questions were slung at Dark. It all went deathly silent as Dark stop four words.

“Mark leaked our nudes.”

You could hear a pin drop.

“What.”

“He did a fucking calendar, let all his fans buy it, and we can’t even complain about it without looking like douchebags because he’s donating all the money to charity.”

“Wait, when you say ‘fucking calender’ does that mean a calendar of us fucking or…?” Wilford asked.

**“NO.”** Dark’s shell split for a second before he regained his composure.

“...So whose nudes were in it?” Ed asked the question everyone was thinking.

“Mark’s, mine, Wilford’s, Yandere’s, Google’s, Bing’s, Dr Iplier’s, King’s and for some reason… The Jims’.”

A great uproar went up by the egos whose names were mentioned.

“I-I don’t have nudes! I’d never take photos like that!” Dr. Iplier cried out above the rest.

“I know. None of us would have. But Mark didn’t take pictures of us. He dressed up like us and released that to the public. And since we look exactly like him, with the exact same body and the exact same… features... and since the fan’s can’t tell the difference between fiction and reality, it’s basically him releasing our nudes.”

“Was this really something to call a code black about? I mean, I was in the middle of an interview!” Wilford exclaimed, not really seeing the big deal. “It’s just a few pictures.”

“Yes, this is something to call a code black about. This is a severe breach of privacy, and shows a clear lack of respect for who is _really_ in charge here. Mark has stopped taking us seriously. He thinks he can just go around posing like us and taking photos of us naked like it’s nothing, but he can’t!” Dark slammed his hands on the table.

“Has Mark ever taken us seriously? We’ve always kind of been a joke to him. It’s not like this is anything new,” Bim spoke up.

“You’re only saying that because your penis isn’t out there for the world to see, Bim,” Dr. Iplier pointed out.

“I’m King of the Squirrels,” King agreed.

“I think there is a misunderstanding here,” Google spoke up. “A quick search shows that no phalluses are shown in the calendar, thus making them ‘tasteful’ nudes.”

“Wait, you have the nudes on there? Can I see them?” Bim craned his neck to see whatever Google was looking at.

“NO NUDES IN THE MEETING ROOM. JUST LOOK DOWN! THEY ARE ALL THE SAME!” Dark yelled.

There was a pause, then everyone’s gaze shifted down to their pants before subtly looking over at the crotch of whoever was next to them.

Finally, Bing broke the awkward silence. “Maybe you’re just being a prude, Dark. I mean, yeah, it’s a bit unsettling having our pictures out there, but if our schlongs aren’t hanging out for internet to see, then I just don’t see the big deal, brah. Besides, isn’t it for charity?”

“The calendars raised over half a million dollars for cancer prevention,” Google recited.

Dr Iplier’s eyebrows raised. “That much money will do a lot of good. I supposed I don’t really mind my nudes being out there if they’re going to the funding of prevention of one of the deadliest diseases of this century.”

“I don’t mind either! Maybe the pictures will get my senpai to notice me!” Yandere added.

“I don’t care if my nudes are out there. I am a robot, I feel no shame.”

“Same, brah.”

“I’m King of The Squirrels.”

“This will make a great story for us to report on,” one of the Jims spoke up.

“It’s honestly seems like you’re the only one who cares out of all of us, Dark.” Wilford shrugged.  
The room suddenly went pitch black and all that could be seen was the cracking and twitching form of Dark, red and blue highlighting his form sharply.

“I don’t care how much money he raised. I don’t care if it fucking cures cancer altogether. I don’t care if none of you give a shit. Because I’m the one in charge here. **I** decide what is important or not. And this? This is important.

“Do you all remember January? Because I do, and I know that this is only the beginning. First he mocks us. Then he engages the fans. Then he’s becomes more and more abrasive, until he has all the cards in his hand. Just. Like. He. Wants.

“You may not think this is serious because all you can think about is your own dicks, which, by the way, aren’t even really your own! They’re Mark’s!” Dark took a deep breath. “However, this is actually a serious matter that we need to address. We need to delay the release of those calendars. Maybe try and get them cancelled altogether. The only consolation we have right now is that they wouldn’t be coming out for a while, not in the least because Mark promised to sign all thirty five thousand of them personally. Now, does anyone have anything else to say?” Dark punctuated, letting the light filter back into the room.

“...Maybe we could we chop his hands off?” Wilford suggested before suddenly perking up. “No, wait, we can just chop his dick off!”

Dark slammed his head on the table.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this since the nudes first were announced, but I only just now got the inspiration to finish it. All because of Mark's exile.
> 
> RIP Mark's Fingies.
> 
> (Also sorry I reposted this, AO3 hates me...)


End file.
